Insomniac: Stage IV

Morning yawns and stretches its arms  
To part the curtains of night.
Tired midwife to light from
From her expectant horizon
The earth inches towards her morning.
Clean, cool fingers weave threads
Of sweet perfumed wisteria and more
Unnameable long forgotten blooms.
Clean and combed through dew damp air.
Buds nodding on their stems,
Draw blood from my veins with thorns
Like cat claws after a scare.

Suddenly clouds burst and showers fall
To save dry backyards and crops
Now cut away from the view unguarded
From natures reach over treetops.
Lost years and fences already raised
Desperate for mending and tattered.
Puddled earth evicts worried worms,
Plucked by late rising birds from their
Broken homes.

While in my solitary confinement,
Within an escapable white picket fenced
Yard, I wave farewell to school busses
And to the workers who clean up the world.
Alone to remember cubes and corners
Push pinned photos, plaques of platitudes,
Email boxes and bustling buildings
Where tight schedules and bright slides
Bore like radiation into the heads of
Departments of the thoughtless and benign.

My wooden porch now a port of call for
Rain long overdue for such late afternoons.
I’m stuck in an everlasting April spring day.
As sprinklers timed soak the lawn
The sun’s last rays motion with
Long, scolding fingers at
Now unknowable faded faces
Trapped like tonight’s fish for supper
In this morning’s papers.

Laid out on a communal table
Where wisdom and innocence
Convene to discuss the current
Events of still births and deaths.
Hands engaged with wild gestures
Waving forks and spoons for effect -
Interrupting pointless chatter to flatter
And cut meat from a fatted calf.
Everyone silenced by politeness,
Knifing right through the heart of the matter.

The evening’s news flickers
Behind the puffery of shades
Hiding shadow boxes inside windows.
Like a sober fly in a glass of whiskey
Wet wings legs spinning drowned
The hands of its god take it down.

I walk with solitude as she unwraps
Her arms thick with compassion
Beckoning me inside for consolation.
Using one wave to cast away
Anyone who might see me crying.
We sit together on a dark park bench
Watching every creature under suburban
Skies that all fit on a single broom stick.
If no one bothers then no one counts
Things yet unseen, like angels
Atop a pin head. Yet we must believe
That stars still sparkle until the dark unveils
Who’s home and left behind
To sing unearthly cries of grief.

Arched branches bow green
Soft leaves shake and flow
From willows left weeping
While night whispers to me:
Please save us all.
As the trees fade to black,
Wind whips at my face.
From the fringes, howls
Break into my mind.
I can no longer breathe
hidden and weak
In the between
With these heavier things.

Without I, Imagined

For no more or less than me
I am the sea change
Here to remind those
Unaffected by my will’s anchor
To dance freely
With the ageless breeze
To the Music of long
forgotten melodies.

Harmoniously
Connecting each beat
Outside of your heart stands
A circle connected yet
Stepping in and apart
We dance without rancor
In every color every flavor
The scent of bodies
At play - like the candle’s
flames lick
Crackle and flick fireflies
to tickle the night sky:
The stars laughter
Echo infinite eternity.
For a circle meets everywhere
On every point passes every line
There’s no beginning
And without a place to start
Time achieves nothing.

Dissolving into the ground
around my bare feet
Raise my hands so high
I hold the arms of my
Own shadows
Casting them away
From the sandy shoreline
Into the inky gulf
Polluting the water with
fear - worrying about
Whether fish cry tears
Or weep with the air?

Yet here I sink into the soft Darkened earth
And time, one day, escaped my gravity.
What unseen glue holds
The ocean inside a shell?
Not nails or wires
Hang against the walls of home
Like photographs no longer
There leave a ghost
Where faces once looked back
From window frames
Through panes of glass

I spiral inside
And outside the jetties of the present.
No one finds the truth to see me today.
Too much energy to find the vulnerary
My fragile broken barriers
Save me as I walk achingly
Into the tide now rising up to my chest.

Shifting to my back
I float flat and exposed
Looking down at my feet
Splayed out upon the anatomy table
The length of the sea.
The waves bring me closer
Between the distance to the moon.
Watch my blood flow
As it pours downstream where
Mississippi delta met me with a handshake.
But for sake of safety
Landing on the sandy shoals
Where time erodes and separates the shallows
From the depths where I will drown
And where the blackened muscles grow
Attached to me by overgrown
Beards diving down to a wreck.

In fear and longing (all the same)
The light confides in me
To worry less about the dark Night, guiding all that is lost towards
What dreams come in the sunlight. When
Truth arrives with you and without
A compass to guide the course
By the purple will of force:
The simplicity of freedom.
To draw charts upon insight
Instead of knowledge
Is comforting.
Still hearing the names of the stars in daylight
And imagining what’s unseen:
To stand by such conviction steadies me.
How night settles in too soon on the day
I find my direction in the dark
Through stars that call upon my inner vision.
Yet I was lost.

Allow the body to tend it’s inlets
As light fades too quick -
The long river flowed without a guide
Pulling us along in muddy groves
With the length of a yardstick.
Across my back tales of youth along the banks
And silence provides our course
As we flow now towards the delta
Fingers rise from the underground
Pointing toward the open water.
My tears the sea themselves
And come forth from where
Outer space once lived
By now replace with gravel
Now hidden away in ancient dreams.
Drawn upon some old part of me
Anything possible comes to find
Us awake but still asleep.
Here lying in my darkness
As the constellations blink alive
The blank forgotten horizons
Thats wherein lies eye sight.Fear less pain and “not agains”
Why say “We are born to die,”
When those who came before us
Laugh right at eventide.
Through memories written by hands
Shaky and unsure
The hidden books for
Guidance lived inside me all along.

I write my nervous hands shaking
With the fear of knowing real despair
Not a person alive breaks the silence
All at once waiting and leaving
Staying and going
We cannot cheat ourselves
Out of a journey without end.
Quote

Buying Time

Impossible: 
To find the cash
For buying time.
Oranges, sweet crude
Coffee, corn,
Commodities traders
Delisted love and friendship
Health and fathers.
The buying chits line
The exchange floor
Like clothing once
In the bedroom.
Proof money can’t
Buy love.

In department stores
Perfumed and made up
Clerks compartmentalize
Stuffed emotions and
Big wide-eyed bears
Into shopping bags.
Leaving through
A glass revolving door
Tumbling onto the gray
Segments of sidewalk
Blowing like leaves
I chase down sealed
Dented cans of hope.

With one pair of eyes
Inevitably you’ll find yourself in a single view someday.
Walking alone without another Pair, your hands empty
Except for your
Pocketbook and calling cards.
Blistered heels and skinned knees -
No one else to help watch the bumps in the road.
Holding up one hand
Hailing any empty cab while
The sun waits on the horizon
For me to return to
No one in particular
Loneliness casts
A long shadow.

With a single pair of eyes
The myopic make few plans.