Days of Futures Past

Would what I know today have helped me in the past? Circumstances change with every decision and what and who play roles in our lives constantly shift like sand on a beach. The ocean’s tides ever flow, but never continually the same so the charts must change with them and the shifting of the depths we cannot see beneath us. So anxious minds consider, “if only I’d known then what I know now,” beating themselves up with the knowledge they never could have known before that very moment. Experience and wisdom helps our insight, but focusing on the moment helps us get to the shore, while not looking back at the vastness and the waves behind us can make us run ashore instead of landing in the safety of the port of call ahead.

People change, as their roles in our lives do – and they perhaps hadn’t even shown up yet as we sail into this moment. Knowledge of the past certainly builds a foundation failures and corrections, of perfecting a skill or building a long term relationship. Adding all those trials and errors leads to our successes. But somehow we get older. Hopefully wiser and things become easier. Right?

There’s knowledge that’s unfashionable to a younger, unexperienced mind. Yet how I sometimes wish I retained less of the knowledge I’ve amassed. The German Erfahrung, translates to the English word experience yet the German definition connotes more closely to my point. Erfahrung equates to the coherency of one’s life’s experiences. And that’s the subtly of why what we know now never could help our past selves.

Our egos sometimes overshadow our vision making it difficult to see that we, as the coherence of the past, culminate into the current moment. Can you know more than you know? But how do you infer a decision from the past without the culmination of experience?

I try to follow the old rule “fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.” But there’s not a one of us who can honestly say we’ve not gone back for more foolishness given instances of grief, love, passion, obsession, and even hope. It’s the science. We rely on evidence based knowledge to go back for more chemotherapy. Yet as far as I know there are no instances of chemotherapy curing cancer, though we’ve experienced successes using western medicine.

It’s not foolishness but hope that drives us to swallow the pills, sit through long infusion sessions of poison, and lasered with radioactive beams of light. How can we hope to recover with the help of the very things that contribute to cancer? We certainly know more today than we knew yesterday, but back for more we go.

All we are is all we are.

We’re all we are, but not all we have been. Change is never a straight m path. It’s not a tightrope with a net beneath to catch our fall when we make mistakes and lose our balance. The paths we walk, crooked and curved, and look more like mazes than labyrinths, since we have an end to the process in mind not just a question we ask as we walk around the crooked and curved lines, none contain us or forced us go make a decision in order to exit.

We skip over cobblestones in the roads. We change course. Our bodies don’t even remain the same as our physical selves aren’t even the same as they were a millisecond ago. And that’s physical age taking us over. Everyone is born terminal. If the doctor slapped a newborn’s bottom to make sure they’re able to scream and thus breath, the first words we should have heard were, “I’m sorry but you have a terminal case of stage four life and you’re going to die from it”. We don’t have a prognosis on your actual mortality but have hope. Medicine has come a long way and life expectancy has reached 77 years in the US and over 80 in European and Asian countries. If your children were born recently they’ll be expected to live over 83 years. When I was born in 1965, the average age of mortality was 74.

It’s unlikely I’ll reach 74. Metastatic cancer shaves years off of the long life my parents expected me to have – both of them thought I’d live into my 90s for some reason. I’m a mortal disappointment.

Roll the dice and be nice.

Take good care of your soul and your spirit. Whether or not it’s true that heaven and God exist, kindness and giving others love won’t make life here and now any worse. Actually, I can only make living here better. What really do you have to lose by navigating this life with a well tuned moral compass to help guide the way?

One thing I have learned is that saying I’m sorry even if I don’t feel that I am at fault and the argument isnt “my fault” I apologize. Yet it has to be a real apology not one that feels false or feels forced. Sometimes you have just say I’m sorry. Because tomorrow morning it’s not who said they were sorry, but that the burden of stress is over. Chances are you won’t even remember what the argument was about. Because let’s face it it wasn’t about what you said, it was about what you didn’t say. But you’ll be happy for for the hug that you’ll feel for the kiss on the cheek for the I love you that you’ll hear. That is an easy thing to do. It’s the ego that gets in the way and if you’re taking care of your spirit and your soul the ego takes a backseat.

It’s the ego that gets in the way of the possibilities of genuine apology. Yet if you’re taking care of your spirit and your soul the ego can take a backseat. We can let the ego grow, like ivy growing over the bricks of a university building. It might look good, yet it covers what’s hiding underneath.

Your soul and your spirit are the most valuable and precious things you’re responsible for. And if indeed there is “heaven” and “God,” and you don’t believe in a specific doctrine or prayer book or religion, still what do you have to lose by doing good? Taking spiritual care of yourself is as important as taking physical and mental care of yourself. It helps you treat other people the way you like to be treated.

I do believe in the old aphorism of treating others how you’d like to be treated. How many of us really practice that? Look at the arguments that you have look at the things that you don’t say that you really want to say and then tell me that you do treat other people the way that you want to be treated. Don’t you want to really know what somebody feels have somebody wants to be treated? Perhaps it’s not what’s being said, but that feeling in your gut that you should listen to instead.

Laying down your sword and holding out your arms instead to hold someone makes life easier. And I do believe that life is meant to be easy. It’s certainly easier taking care of yourself and allowing that self-care to show and shine for other people in the form of a genuine heart. The better you take care you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of other people. Practicing that can give you a happier life right here and right now. Practicing self-care and self-love helps the way I care for others to improve.

Where in lies the difficulty?

We struggle when we want more than simply life itself. We cannot control others. If indeed life weren’t meant to be easy then life itself would make no sense at all. It is simple and it is easy. In summary I want to give you for things that I’ve been thinking about that had me write this post which seems probably very philosophical to you. I haven’t written a post for a few weeks because I’ve been thinking quite a bit in this downtime, in this alone time, and tried to treat this isolation is not so much lonely but is the time to do some self discovery. I hope that you’ll get a little bit from the soul-searching that I’ve been doing.

1. Accepting that you’re born to eventually die and not worrying so much about the end but simply living in this very moment is the best life there can be.

2. If you take care of your spirit and your soul your back is covered. Whether you believe or not in god or a doctrine to understand the meaning of life, regardless, there was once a beginning of all things and there will be an ending of all things but everything comes from “one.” You don’t have to worry if you’re a good person and don’t damage yourself or harm others or the planet or anything beyond.

3. All we are is all we are – but not who we are. Some say we are only the summation of our experiences. But those circumstances of our experiences don’t simply make us exactly what we are and we can change. There are second chances and we can change. Some say people can never change but I say that’s absolutely false. I’ve seen people who have argued about the same things so many times but when they finally got down to what was really bothering them they were able to go forward and move forward and take care of their spirits and souls.

4. I have all I need right here and right now. If I want more than life itself then I’ll always feel life is a struggle. Leave behind the wants and the must-have’s and the lists of things. Buying doesn’t make you more human, but sharing does. Loving does. And being loved in return makes life an easy place to be. Life is terminal but let’s say this:

Life is easy let’s let it be and so it will be.

Cancer, Consciousness, and My Mystical Moment

I do not love or even like having cancer. I do not view cancer as a battle to win or lose. By default a combat defines a winner as well as a loser. Losing would imply that those of us whose bodies succumbed, or will succumb to the beast within, lost a battle, a fight, a war. It implies a lack of something in the self necessary to keep the body alive.

I do not see pink or purple or any color for that matter as representative of a cure or anything that can reach in and extract the monster from inside me. Paradoxically, I love myself far more than I did 3 1/2 years ago. I’ve become more humane, humble. I’ve become more of who I genuinely am: forgiving, more receptive to receiving, more open to listening. I’ve found solace in silence and isolation has become a blessed space in which I can tap into the One conscious being that moves us all.

It is open space in which I find the gift of life and the sacred wisdom that only comes with time and only by coexisting with my own life and death simultaneously. Certainly, I never believed I’d die by my own hand. I don’t even know if I believe life is defined by time in the physical universe. Yet in disease I have found my mind to be a more hospitable place for my consciousness to reside.

For the first time I am aware that I am conscious of my own consciousness.

So with this I am going to share something that came to me one night about a month ago. It was as if some unknowable force moved my hand and in it the pen to write in large print on the page. The handwriting does not even look like my own. I’ve written it out twice and copied it over again without need for editing. And the same words came out. Nothing changes – not a single word. I even tried to write it from what I believed to be my memory. The same words again give or take about 15% differential.

And the message is very, very clear to me. I hope that as you read this you don’t think I’m completely nuts, but if you do that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m giving you what was given to me. It could be that it was in my mind all along and that I was merely writing it on the page that night, and no “unmovable force” that took my hand and scribbled on the page something that’s intelligible enough for me to read. I simply and gratefully want to share this with whom ever decides to read it; I believe it is important to share what comes to us either mystically or “consciously.” But In either case it is important to share our deepest thoughts and that we think or believe is important enough to actually commit to paper.

I’d love to hear your feedback and I’d love to know if it’s intelligible or even remotely understandable to anyone else. This flow of words is perfectly understandable to me. I’m not brave for throwing it out there to you; it’s neither selfish nor is it brave; it’s neither giving nor is it receiving; it just is.

Love The One

Take away what you’re not, and you will know who you are.

Strip the self to its bare essence and find the authentic self.

Deep meditation and pure silence of the mind paradoxically answers the question “who am I?”

And yet, who are we really if we coexist only in the space between interactions? If I am authentically aware and you wear a mask to disguise yourself then how do we communicate at all?

To think?
To do?
To “think” who you are, to believe who you want to be is only an internal state of unconscious unknowing and it is a premeditated untruth. Yet “doing” what you love, what you want, is external an allusion to the true self yet still hiding behind a mask.

Belief cannot make you human. Action or inaction leaves your “mark” on historical humanity, a mark of your perceived beingness.

Born to hunt and gather, Homo sapiens sapiens evolved to think about how to become more productive at these basic tasks to nourish the body and to care for others. Thinking deeply comes with “free time.”

We built machines to do our work – we have time to think.
We built machines to do our thinking – what’s left to do or to think? Nothing but time equals depression; too much time and little to do allows for much broader thinking than required to understand the basic platform of consciousness. Thus in thinking we believe erroneously that we think for ourselves, but we cannot think not by ourselves.

Silence is beautiful if we are secure in the arms of nature. Meditation of beauty is the nature of being human. Yet we remove ourselves from nature and from beauty and this is the definition of complete unconsciousness.

Stripped bare, we are essence, we are natural, we are beautiful. Constructs of Beauty:
No one is able to attain the necessary beauty based on lies. The essence of natural beauty is not unconscious. The absence of natural beauty is unconsciousness.

Our world began whole, naturally, without human consciousness or the awareness that we are even conscious at all. We inhabit so little of the natural world, and we destroyed so much more than we can possibly inhabit even approaching eight billion individual selves.

We gasp and wonder why there’s a spider is in our house? Do nature service in return. Gently lift the spider, take it outside, and say thank you for stopping in. Make friends with your spiders. If spiders disappear then there are no beautiful webs to remind us from where we came.

Eventually we will turn to the soil from which are bodies sprang. Eventually our bodies return back to the soil, to the spiders. Don’t kill even the smallest of creatures, especially those that are helpless in our hands. Help to regain natural habitats rather than destroy our natural world. We are the first species nor will we be the last. We will produce a failure of humans without the humane-ness. And by our own laziness, cruelty, and concepts of beauty, we will die under the weight of our own inventions.

Love all.
Fear none.
Walk until you find the horizon and jump!
You will land in the windless, airless, breathless, blackness of space.
You can ful-fill it with your own conscious creations.

In this space you are God.
God is all and God is nothing.
God is the circle of infinite nothing.
Divide God and the One itself and the One destroys all.
Adding the One to God and everything is possible all is sacred.
This One is the same number repeated infinitely.
Subtract God from One and you’re back to zero and nothingness.
Do not divide the conscious self with nothing.

Become infinite by releasing The Infinite One from who you believe you are.
Do not become the belief that you are anything.
Yet you are everything.
Everything is God.
You are The One and God is you.

God is zero.
God is infinite.
You cannot divide love by anything.
The One can join love. The One can be multiplied by love.
The One can add to love.

Hell is to divide love by nothing. This is the only inescapable law the universe will give us.
This is the only knowable secret and that is this:
Heaven is Love added to all infinite Love.
Infinite Love is the One.
Stripped of what we are not, becoming who we truly are brings Love to consciousness.
In this state:
God is knowable.
Therefore, We are all God.
We are not alone in who we are and we are not alone and who we are not.
We will be alone until fear stops. Our violence comes from fear of what is unknowable.

Our unseen universal “neighbors” will remain hidden in the shadows, silently protecting those who do no harm. Those who do arm are trapped by their own “net“. By being who you are not you lie to the universe. If you lie to the universe, you will live looking back at what’s past. The past equals fear.
Fear opposes love.
Fear hides love and hides The One.
God is not Fear.

Wanting more than we need lays the foundation for violence and stealing of resources. By killing nature we look back at the past and do not see that we created a trap into which we trip and fall. We fall into the garden where the apples are rotten not to be eaten.

Look in the mirror. There, vanity will not allow you to see the self. Instead you will see an empty vessel in reverse. That reverse image is the opposite of you, the opposite of God. That is the devil, the evil, the not I, the end, and not the infinite. Be here now and you are with us you are with God and you are divine.

Mystical realizations can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Please look at your partner, your child, parents, a friend, your parents, your foes. Forgive. Unforgiving is a foolish act of jealous regret. Unforgiving pulls you into the past, stealing from the future and from everyone’s future. You will fall into nothingness when you seek the Horizon’s edge.

Bring Love to your perceived enemies. Bring Love to your spiders. Bring Love to the dead. Bring Love to your life. Love is the center of the infinite, and the center of everything is love.
Our consciousness is everything.
Our consciousness is God.
We are aware of our consciousness and we can only be the consciousness we perceive. To Percieve conscious love is to perceive God.
God is love.
The One is love.
Therefore we are love.
Love is God.
Everything is love.
God is everywhere.
Consciousness is infinite.
Nothingness is infinite. We are everything.
We are nothing.
God is us.
Love is God.
And in the end we are love.
We are all One and Love is everything we need.

Be with Love
And you will be with God.

Look into My Crystal Ball, or The Writer as Telepath

The blank page: at times a writer’s inanimate nemesis. The written output, the writer’s words lend themselves to an infinite life with inasmuch potential. This simple premise suggests a complex hypothesis: a writer’s output can bridge the gap between art and science, alchemy and physics, space and time. The writer becomes a telepath sending messages into the future for a reader to interpret. Somewhat like a clairvoyant or perhaps the act exists in the realm of remote seeing, where one person would send a thought or image across time and space or pick up images from maps or clues designed to lead the seer to a specific area for finding, for instance, another country’s nuclear weapon silo.

Interesting to consider these assumptions imbue alternative meanings to the act of reading. You immediately see the past and derive a picture of the past, or the future in science fiction or fiction generally by interpreting words laid out as clues by the writer.

Extending the conceit of my satirical discourse, astrophysicists might look for wormholes between the covers of a book rather than through the lens of mathematics. A writer collapses the past and future at the every moment in the continuum of time when another person reads their words. Without control over who reads and when they read, the writer interprets and translates physical or imagined information to convey meaning. Recall for a moment any biography you’ve read of a living or once living person. Is it factual or to a degree is it fictionalized through the writer’s mind to the page, still applicable in autobiographies?

Might I suggest that both reader and writer together create a closed circuit to bend the time space continuum. Reading uses clairvoyance and writing, telepathy, to communicate. Both acts indelibly change the past and the future. As the reader becomes a telepath who interprets the messages being sent from another time and place and create meaning that may have an impact on themselves or in some instances one or an infinite many others. I write messages for future others to receive. How far in the future will determine the degree to which my words are interpreted based on several key factors.

First, cultural distance between me and the reader or receiver. I’d bet if you’re reading this now, you’re not too far in time away from me and your physical space is not too different from mine. If you’re a Martian colonist reading this 100 years from relative “now”, I’m no longer alive and my meaning must be left to the receiver to recreate any meaning from my words.

That person can change the past by interpreting my meaning, my words, and something about me that may or may not be true. So I can change history (now) and change the future (tomorrow) by writing something evocative and capturing enough mindshare to get you to think about something.

Just a thought that provoked some lively conversation this Sunday night. Time to give my iPad a rest, wish my husband love and pleasant dreams, give my cat Simon a good petting, and ready myself for another week. A week when I hope to fend off the busyness that would have my attention rather than using my powers of mental telepathy and sending my remote viewers something to chew on from here in the past.