Ascites: I am a cancer blister

Ascites fluid

Four liters of ascites removed from my abdomen – ascites fluid builds up in my peritoneal cavity 2-4 times a year

Stanford Cancer Center

Setting up for the periocentesis: some local anesthetic, an incision in my lower right abdomen after the ultrasound.

Periocentesis

Getting the tube placed for maximum drainage it’s inserted in the safest place to avoid punctuation of my intestines.

Periocentesis

Getting the first draw for the lab, then gravity does the work into what looks like little beer kegs.

I first experienced ascites when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, de novo because of dense breasts.

It’s been:
3 years
7 months
22 days
5 hours
55 minutes
32 seconds
to be precise since first having 7.5 liters of ascites removed and the reason I showed up at the hospital about 15 pounds heavier than my usual weight, barely able to breathe, unable to hold down any food and scared as hell.

Prior to that first visit I’d been delivered to the hospital once, when I was born. Quite a different story 49 years later. Since the first periocentesis to remove the cancerous fluid, I’ve blown up like an oompah loompah seven additional times, including this last time illustrated by my clandestine photography here.

This is what metastatic breast cancer looks like. Not on the days when I am trying to make everyone believe I’m okay. It’s not that I mind looking like I don’t have cancer for the most part. But I don’t put my makeup on every day to prove a thing to anyone but myself. I push too hard most days. Never will I learn to take it easy.

Sleep is for the dead. It’s 5 am. I’m still awake.