Traversing my inner space wearing the lens of metastatic disease, my inner eye wanders into dark places at times. The glasses have me reading invisibilities into ideas that have no real importance. Ideas such as what my life’s purpose what could I possibly serve the world when at the moment I was diagnosed with #metastatic breast cancer three years ago, my needs far outweigh my ability to give. Many days my questions return only an inner sigh of response. My contributions and defining myself and my roles becomes so foggy, so unclear to me.… Read More Peace, Peace: our universe of caregivers
If “it is what it is,” why is it so the collateral damage of metastatic cancer so fucking hard?… Read More It is what it is, huh?
Riding passenger side snapping right, I’m down in front stealing long exposures. From the back seat our youth sits Mocking us with instant polaroids. Destroyed pictures of minutes and memory Precious and precarious slip a stone At once here and at once gone. Right under the driver breaks hard and higher Up another mile, silently… Read More Eventide
How does one learn to reason with depression? I’d like to share with you a story about a confused partner who after the passing of her arbitrary three-year deadline falls into s state of incredible aftermath. She unreasonably and unfortunately becomes inconsolable with wave after wave of ugly accusations hurled from across a house she lives in with this depressed man who she no longer knows, or even knows what she feels for him anymore. … Read More And now, Ms. Cancer and Mr. Depression
#Stage4cancer brings to mind a place a movie might portray. For instance the inescapable slow walking monster approaches my house and I hear the ugly abhorrent thing rapping, scraping on my door. Perhaps, more subtly, one dark and stormy night, the wind kicks up frightening me with a tree branch running its claws along my windows. Am I dreaming in color of the darkest places my consciousness has to offer on tonight’s mind menu?… Read More Canferatu, The Monster at My Door
Stronger than knives or strokes and Beleaguered, lonesome old oaks, Together again, those wings, the trees, Gasping at them as I forgot to sing. Spanning years’ dimly stated demands Its our last night in the Neverland.… Read More Saving Rescuers
Depression and cancer. The locks to my prison, to which keys do not exist; there’s no cure, and there’s no future with happiness together as a team, the team I really counted on – but as Einstein said not all things that can be counted, should.… Read More My Loves Electric (Not Anymore)
The pain in your veins, heat aghast, you faint.
The hole swallows her body and soul.
Why in the universe do we know something exists at all,
If we pretend to see, to know, bite a fruit and fall.
Algorithmic syncopated circus acts,
And drums tight as a father’s facts. … Read More Film Noir Femme
I find along side the road I’m currently on in my life with cancer, not waste and detritus, but people. Not hitchhikers, but people waving to me and telling me to keep going and not to stop since its rather unnecessary.… Read More Plan 9 From Inner Space or The Week from the Black Lagoon
We all fall down. The ground grows smaller, As I pass the Earth, Becoming her daughter. Funny to stand today, Eclipsing the sun. My books marked still, On page one.… Read More Maps and Legends