Ice Cream? My Ass


Ice Cream?

I recall the cartoon show “Fat Albert” growing up. I dare not speak the name of it’s rape-y creator and eponymous character’s voiceover. Let’s leave it there for now. I do not recall which character had a fear of having his tonsils removed but the sing that week was a catchy, “don’t be scared (of the hospital) you’ll get ice cream!”

Spoiler alert – Fat Albert does get ice cream – we cancer patients, the kind like me who enter the hospital, do not. Unless it’s brought from home in this case which is difficult to do because I live about an hour and 15 minutes away. For those who do remember now you’ve taken up residence with me in the delightful earworm. I’m sorry for that. For those who haven’t look it up on YouTube. You’ll smile a bit.

I’m not smiling very much. I’ve been here in the UC Davis hospital in rainy Northern California since Wednesday. I’ve had another paracentesis and throw up pretty nearly every piece of food my best friend hasn’t brought me from home. He’s an angel.

My husband hasn’t been here once. Too afraid of Covid.

I did take the best shower I feel I’ve ever had in my entire life. The kind where you feel so soft and clean and warmed and just cozy afterwards people even comment on how much better I look.

But this’ll be a short one tonight to update you:

I will have had three paracentesis by the time I leave. I hope so that’s the case anyway. If I only have two, and I haven’t had the third one which would be a self drain that would be a terrible situation because I would have to go home and continue to come back every week or two weeks in pain with vomiting.

Going poop is oh so important.

Friends and those who love you are the most important people in the world I’d say right in line with your doctors. Together they create you’re quality of life and do not forget how important reaching down and pulling a sandwich from a huge bag of your favorite food made just that evening on you’re favorite bread.

I’m holding it down better than only the scrambled eggs I insist on each morning. I’ve lost 40lbs. I’m unable to attend my healing circles global work for two reasons one is a home issue with skippy paranoia my not so beloved husband right now and the other of course is just plain illness.

I’m not due for taxol until the 13th of December making things health wise tentative for me at best. I’ve had a brain MRI. No brain metastasis but to my skull. Proving we know our bodies better than any machine. And don’t you forget it.

I’ll try to update more often but for now I’m a very tired girl. Please forgive my lack of giving you my health update and my mental health update both are equally as important. I love you all for checking in keep checking back and I’ll keep loving you and sending out my good vibes for you as I know you’re doing for me. I’ll let you know when I get out hopefully it’s in the next few days here.

12 comments on “Ice Cream? My Ass”

  1. With deep sadness I must tell you that Ilene never made it home from the hospital. She passed away on Saturday. She loved you all and you gave her life purpose. Thank you for the love and support you have shown my sister during her journey.
    I wish you all
    Peace & Love

  2. Sending virtual love, hugs, and support, Ilene. Grateful that you were able to provide this update—though obviously wishing you can move beyond the rough stuff ASAP. It all sounds dreadful. Hope you get out soon. In the meantime, can you take more showers? Seriously—long ones.

  3. Oh my dear, Ilene, I’m sorry things are so hard right now. Hoping you feel better and stronger soon and get to go home. You are in my thoughts. Sending love. xo

  4. I’m so sorry to hear you’re in the hospital and not doing well, Ilene. Hospitals are not a great place to rest and sleep. But your shower sounds like it was very refreshing. I’m also sorry your husband is not visiting. Hopefully, you will be able to gain some of the weight you lost. Please know that I’m thinking about you, my friend. xx

  5. I’m sorry it’s so hard for you at the moment. When I was on an oncology ward they had a special fridge and freezer for things brought in by visitors, and really encouraged people to bring in good food (hospital food is bad enough when you’re feeling well, I find). Hope they get you sorted and out soon.

  6. While the hospital is so necessary at times, it’s not a good place to heal or to sleep. Hope you are able to escape soon and are able to go home with the right amount of help with draining your abdomen. I always ask for the secret oncology menu, there’s been one at every hospital I’ve been in, and usually choose the sorbet over the ice cream because of the dairy. 🤞🏻🤞🏻 you are able to keep some food down and gain some weight. ❤️

    1. Oh wow, I did not know about the oncology menu! I was just in the hospital for back surgery (not related to MBC). Because of the drugs I was on, I had no appetite and even just looking at the menu made me nauseous! Sorbet would have been perfect. Now I know. Thanks for that info, Abigail!

  7. I’m sorry life is so tough Ilene and that your husband is not visiting. I’m really pleased that you have dear friends to support you though. Sending you much healing and love. Julia xxx

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