I love Dan’s willingness to pull back the covers on an under-discussed topic effecting 50% of marriages that end in divorce when a woman is diagnosed with cancer.
No it isn’t something that comes “naturally” to a lot of
men people. I don’t think a lot of us know quite what to do when our committed partners diagnosed with cancer. Any cancer. There’s no crash course on how to navigate such a twisted and bumpy road that’s never been paved.
Or has it been paved? I think it’s smoother with the experiences of others who’ve come before. Just like cancer – and perhaps why you’re reading this blog. To find out what I’d been through. It’s not that any two journeys are alike.
In no way is the same diagnosis going to effect two different people exactly the same way. Married or unmarried. Committed partnership or friendship. Every relationship changes.
Dan’s also looking for inputs in a survey that can be found on the same site. Whether you’re the caregiver or the caregive-ee I suspect we can all find wisdom in reading this. It’s not only for husbands. Take out the intimacy parts and it could become one for a close friend or sister or mom.
But back to husbands. With the 50% rate of divorce initiated by the husband when the wife is diagnosed this isn’t only important but could change those statistics even slightly and what’s wrong with saving a few marriages that might not have had to end. Just knowing a different way or two to get through some hard times, understanding you’re not doing it “wrong,” and that you’re not alone on the road can really help. And I know a lot of men don’t want to go to support groups.
Is it a sign of weakness reaching out for help? Hell no. It’s a sign of love. It’s a sign of strength. It’s being able to pick something up thats easy and quick to read and doesn’t portend to have every answer but can point the GPS in the right direction even mid journey.
For those who’ve driven the course you may have found yourself handcuffed to someone you “don’t know anymore.” Well guess what! You’re no longer the same either.
So it’s a good place to pick up some golden experience of someone who’s been where you’re going and managed to love his wife through it and keeps on loving her.
Oh and don’t forget to take the survey. It could really help Dan to fill in some blanks or add some things you wish you’d had or wish you had done.