Failing

Necessary evil, failure.  
Learning from mistakes
Like lying and broken bones
The body breaks down
And cries for more.
In this case tears
Hung high inside a bag
Delivered through a tube
Poking into my chest
Plugged in with a needle.
Giggling to myself
“Not a nipple”
Laughters ripple effect
Spans out amongst the others
And now everyone’s
Going to get in trouble.

But it’s my fault
No one but me
Got me in this mess,
Or have they? Because
It’s an art:
Learning recreational
Cursing, lying and
Running away from home.
My growling hunger
Turns to fear.
That’s where
Boredom hides.
As we seek home again
The place one cannot return.
Like a library book
With a Dewey decimal card
I’m no longer on file.
Suppose I stole the title.

Before dark I’m matchless
With no anger left to burn
So I return to
Changing names
But face hardly look the same.
New people new names.
Strangers turn me away
That crazy woman’s back
She doesn’t live here
Not anymore.
The address I remember:
Only my own body.
Dirty gray cumulus clouds
Reach the places where
Shame grows. Right there
On the test not surprisingly
Cirrus streaking
Shocking the dusk
Into color of embarrassment and
Of cheeks slapped pink
For blue words
We try on for fit
But they fall off of our
Small bones too big
To not know
To small to talk shit.

Instead of daisies
In my mind the
Fertile soil hardened
Into my imagination now
Rusty colored clay.
Growing up worthy of
A head, once
Covered in hair
Jumping on a trampoline
Without a net
Be cautious of curls.
Now straight as
a cactus prickly as
a crown of new cowlicks
The color of
shock and shame.
Green and indigo
But not what I thought
Just a day ago.

Everyday failure:
Unthreaded needles
Stocking runs unearned
Continue up the thigh
Showing the quality
Of bare legs
With purple webs
Becoming ugly
And weak.
Sometimes my mistakes
Weigh like
Lead sinks, an umpire
Metal but not much ore
Certainly no gold or platinum.
My pick axe and
Shovel, sieve ad
Headlight
Mocking the brave
Fish that live in
Darkness so ink black
They willed themselves
A headlamp on
Their hard hats. Darwin
Had his way of
Plumbing the breaches of
My Grace in the name
Of the father who
Died with experience
My tribe hid
It’s treasure in
Broken Russian birds.
My genes unzipped
Finally to reveal
The ladder had fallen
Apart at the rung
Where I slipped.

Principally, I deserve
No less than
Expulsion from the school
Of this life and
Of the race of humans.
I have lost.

2 thoughts on “Failing

  1. Yes, our bodies betray us, yet they are capable of incredible processes and feats. It is remarkable that our bodies have received so much poison and we still eat, breathe, move, think, and function. Our bodies still work pretty damn well.

    1. All in all considering the hell they continue to traverse it seems without us at times – I’d say is miraculous. More than remarkable. I tend to attach that word to scans now – unremarkable is good where it used to be mediocrity, remarkable is now bad when it used to be fabulous. How two letters can change the game so ferociously is why I love language so much. All it takes is a disease and you learn a whole new vocabulary too! Lucky us. Big hug. ❤️

I welcome your comments!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.