Video: Add a Face to My Words


This is one of the videos I have been asked to do this year to talk about life with metastatic breast cancer. They’re difficult to get out – sometimes by voicing these emotions, I feel like I’m separating the cream from the milk if you know what I mean, and afterwards comes the “clouds in my coffee” – and it’s not vanity but tears that fall. When verbal expressions of deep seated feelings surface the sadness fills up and over the brim of a cup I hold delicately in my hands.

I also thought you might like to see me, although it may send some of you to the unsubscribe button I hold out hope that instead you’ll see more of me and the effects of my disease on my life. Please enjoy and excuse the raw, unedited quality or lack thereof. Just life at the dining room table – no fake news, all fumbles and stutters, without subtitles or captions. The real me.

8 comments on “Video: Add a Face to My Words”

  1. I am grateful to have become a part of your orbit. I agree the video was just right: straightforward, clear, heartfelt, and meaningful. I think your patient advocacy is wonderful—a real gift.

    I hope 2021 is a gentle and affirmative year for you—and for our country. To me, it doesn’t begin until January 30th.

    All good wishes,

    1. And to you my friend. Thank you for your wisdom and friendship- may it continue to blossom and grow in the new year whenever we decide to begin again.😷

  2. First, you are so cute I could squeeze you. (Not too hard, promise.) I love the chapeau, which may or may not have been intended as an Alannah Currie / Thompson Twins tribute, but I chose to take it that way. (And I mean that in a good way.)

    Second, you are terrific in this video. I didn’t notice anything that might require an edit, as your delivery was quite smooth, and you came across as honest and compassionate and supportive.

    Third, you are just the bee’s knees, staying strong and fighting and doing everything you can as an advocate. (Stop rolling your eyes and accept the praise.) This valiant seed you have planted is going to help so many people in their various journeys…

    Squeeze you, I could… 😉

    1. You flatter you do. I’m not immune to all praise. I accept it especially from you.

      At the moment, I’m very much in writing mode right now. I suppose the tragedy, my own illness, the crowning virus, the deaths to come, my own mortality reflected in the eyes of the frightened and the ignorant. It’s extraordinary to see the amount of people afraid and alone. I live my life isolated with uncertainty underlining my own careful steps to remain with the living and the people I choose as my family and friends who virtually change my life and from whom I can feel the incredibly important love – even from afar.

      That is since those who share my blood do not even check in to see if I’m still pumping my own red and white cells through my veins.

      My worry about my husband who turns a blind eye on it all distrsss with his eyesight behind him but not right here where it’s needed most. He gave gifts I’d never expected fir Christmas this year to, in the on,y way he knows how, say I’m here and I notice and my love is in my heart for you whenever you need it most. He’s been here with me throughout it all. In that I cannot turn away from him as he battles and struggles against daemons with chemical weapons in his beautiful mind.

      It’s been a year of tragic proportions full of lies and propaganda and truth and love. How does anyone now doubt my cancer when there’s no doubt about a disease you may not see but it sees you in its sites and shoots amid the crowds first wondering how to get toilet paper, now not worried if their asses are clean, but of their hands and their food and their children.

      How far have we sunk as a planet that once beautiful cities with streets live with the hustle and flow of going to work has been replaced with the fast footprints of people running from police, of shuttered small shops and lines at Walmart and Target. A Native American tasered. A black man suffocated under a knee while others who should be protective looked on…in apathy.

      Will we ever communally eat at celebration meals? Now alone and lonely, the social distance is much more than six feet, it could be six feet deep under the earth, where epitaphs will not read Rest In Peace but a life stolen in a looting of family photos by a violence so incredible we as a global community no longer can breathe.

      I hope in my heart Brian that this starts finding it’s end – and instead of a video, a round of hugs long overdue and long in the making.

      Peace and love and better times ahead. It will get worse before it gets better – I think it’s time to post more videos.

    1. Love you. Happy holidays and maybe the new year and next administration will be able to relaunch the moonshot.

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