Ashes to Ashes

Radiation in my beggar’s

Bones all lit up

By a lantern flame

Flickering like a firefly

In a canning jar.

I stand around the ash can

To warm my hands.

Sipping bitter coffee

Wearing just rags and flannels

Knees buckle and shiver

I wait for the hand with my

Next toxic cocktail.

All of the elixirs and,

I believe only in dreams of god.

To help with integrity

I never owned.

Defining words like Fractionated

Making decisions like tattoos

Permanence steals from what’s really

Life. Starring in a propaganda

Film – short and to the point

Before the feature film

Memory creates fiction

All lies and deceptions of the mind.

Unable to complete

The prescribed treatments

Back to the spine in a row

And leave me disavowed

I never knew such exhaustion existed.

Offers of investigational higher dosage

Yet a higher risk and I fail to rise again

No Lazarus I, slump over

And crumple at the criteria.

Unfit for the clinics best trial,

Not willing to take a risk

On someone so vile I slip a disc.

Instead another tour

Of the war on cancer I return

Where the real criminals get paid.

There’s the evidence flashing

In black and white 8mm frames

Japanese made everything then

Including the front page

Words unkind to places like Nagasaki and Okinawa.

What’s a Bikini atoll?

Where did the Whiteite Sands desert observers

All turned inside out

Children now dying of cancer

All those mutations

Years after the negatives

So dissolved like the bones

And the hair and the

Groans of despair.

Where in he darkness

The clouds reigned supreme.

Is this only a stomach ache

Does my pounding head

Mean anything to the first

Boys running away from their pictures

What kind of photographer

Can believe in a science

Once used to capture our nature

Now looking for snowballs

Melted in hell.

No scarring and burning

It’s deep and linear Acceleration radiation

But upon waking up from

A dream I scream

Silently as the fallout

Covers statues with

Dirty ash. My foggy thoughts of wakefulness

Interrupted by exhaustion

Drops me into a dream

And my beggar’s bones

Standing around the ashcan

Where all the incinerated go.