Don’t ask “what can I do for you?” Just doing something small, medium, or thoughtful means the world to friend or relative with #cancer – not disappearing from our lives means the most, but remember we sometimes cannot communicate exactly as we once did. It’s not personal so don’t take it personally.

Ilene

Female. East coast transplant living in the Bay Area of California. Living with Stage IV breast cancer. Married to the coolest guy in the universe who occasionally suffers from serious depression. Love my stepsons, although I never thought I'd have that thankless job - ever! And my best friend Simon is also my cat. How I have survived with stage IV: treatments including chemo and surgery; palliative oncology; tenacity; a dark sense of humor; support groups; and my newly reinvented career as a vintage and antiques maven. Some days I miss the old me who led a well respected and well paid life as a business strategist in high tech. So much for that. I blog to simply share my experiences and my poetic approach with others who have cancer of any kind or with their care givers and those who love them. If one person at the very least finds a little commonality or a friend out in the ether tor a smile, a common nod about this experience, or even a link to assistance, then I have accomplished a small but extraordinarily meaningful goal. Go team.

3 thoughts on “Don’t ask “what can I do for you?” Just doing something small, medium, or thoughtful means the world to friend or relative with #cancer – not disappearing from our lives means the most, but remember we sometimes cannot communicate exactly as we once did. It’s not personal so don’t take it personally.

    1. There’s many kinds of relationships that vanish or become ghostly to us given the circumstances in which we find ourselves. So many people came and left my life. Yet, oddly, the later developing friendships, perhaps those forged in maturity without the expectations of who we were before fill in some of the isolation otherwise left as part of our collateral damage along with the financial, sexual, identity, physical, self reliance, sanity…all of what we perhaps once were…and cannot be again. The new people cancer created for us out of hunks of marble and granite appeared by chisel and hammer to make us the stronger women we are today. So fuck ‘em. And #fuckcancer

      Hey we should sell non-pink T-shirts to raise money for women who find themselves in dire straights and need a financial boost with your ingenious hashtag #fuckcancer
      What do you think of that?
      I’ve got an Etsy shop and you’ve got the cancer network going – let’s take it offline if you can…or if you think it won’t fly – but I think it’s awesome. We can even sell them through social channels, our blogs, Facebook, Twitter (though not through our insane dare I call trump a president…nightmare!)

      1. Non pink shirts would be perfect. When you’re newly diagnosed you jump on that pink bandwagon not knowing any better. Komen is the absolute worst 🙄.
        I call him the orange cheeto from hell.

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