The scene from the movie, “The Jerk,” with Steve Martin, in which he becomes “somebody” because he finds his name, finds himself, in the local phone book. For those readers too young to have experienced this simple pleasure, you probably haven’t a clue what a #2 pencil and a cassette tape have to do with one another, either. “Hey, Ilene, what the fuck does phone book, “The Jerk,” cassette tapes, and a pencil have to do with cancer?” you’re asking? Well, gather round kids, grab a s’more, and I’ll tell ya. Not a goddamed thing. But neither should outsourcing and chemotherapy have anything to do with a patient who is speaking to a foreign call center with an agent without training to speak with stage 4 cancer patients, either.
Should FEDEX and UPS both of which delivered separate packages, have required a signiture from my partner or I as the special victims unit of CVS Carremark located in India? By the way, both packages contained VOLUMOUS amounts of Phizer literature. I used their web site irrespectively, even if the loads of junk looking mail in both boxes were important.
I am not a happy customer and my experience with this chain of events was on a scale of 1 to 5 a negative 2. The stuff could have sat in the sun on my front stoop all day rendering it useless had we not been home, seeing as the packages arrived one day early. Indeed no signiture was requested for my Ibrance chemotherapy . While online shopping for the holidays hits an all time record this year, so do the numbers of packages stolen from porches all across the United States. An abhorrent disregard for those of us who face awful diseases combined with theivery creates little dollar signs in the pupils of the eyes of would-be gift grifters. Like Richie Rich of comic book infamy, the spoiled rotten Peter Pan with dollar sign eyes, wearing Angus Young’s schoolboy stage outfit (sigh…the lead guitar player and co-founder of metal band AC/DC. A band named for the two types of commercial electrical currents that were the talk of the investment and scientific communities around 1900 and the fight between whether AC – Nicola Tesla, or DC – Thomas Edison, would prevail. AC won due to Tesla’s selfless power to the people efforts. Not AC/DC the slang term for bisexuality, although I am in huge support of anything anyone wants to do or try or be as long they consensually do it while not hurting anyone or anything.)
Okay, back now. Where was I going…
Right! CVS called to schedule the delivery of my first 21-day supply of Ibrance. I spoke to a nice enough woman who then asked that I hold while she was going to hand me off to someone who would get my information. Excuse me?
I was transferred to a man in an India-based call center who CLEARLY had no idea what the fuck Ibrance was for, since he was WAY TOO CHEERFUL and kept asking me how lovely my day was going and how great was I doing today!?! And he was VERY INSISTANT that me or my partner be at home THURSDAY, not WEDNESDAY, when Ibrance and a second unknown package containing oadnestron, a prescription anti vomit pill apparently my cool and yet sweet and very smart oncologist prescribed, would arrive.
So now the contact center has his infornation and mine stored neatly in a database to ANNOY US BOTH at some later date. Bad job, CVS, very bad customer experience indeed. Get your shit together or give Phizer’s the chance to outsource its fulfillment and support business for cancer medications to a company that will TRAIN ITS AGENTS on their customer’s needs. Yes, I did receive my Ibrance, and after reading enough about side effects, how to avoid them, and whatever else Phizer’s WEBSITE had to offer, here I go. Wish me good luck, good health, but please do not for the love of things great and small ask me how great my day is going.
I might puke on your shoes 🖖🏼