Merciful Sister

For Janis

Peace, My Sister.
Return to grace —
To feel my heart,
Beating through miles, through space.
Time melts if you just dream,
Now close your night eyes tightly shutting away all else, but leave —
One small place, but only for me.
Return your brandy, your gray dove
Let her out in the open, but cage the olive branch.
Close your arms and fold them round your self, warm fires
On the distant beaches, white night sands.
Do not fail to wash your soul in the gentle waves,
Dip your feet in with the moon tonight
Alight in your grace and alive as your desires.

Still, surround us around you find love through pain named “Time,”
Find my breath in autumnal air billowing redgoldyellow and sublime.
Tend to yourself warmly, engulfed by the day’s
Lost rays of sun, of seasons, of salt, of skin, so fair.
Gentle, perfect and golden, somehow washing us so clean,
The water rains from somewhere unknown, as the bees hives gleam,
Returning to home overflowing with so much honey.
The Queen waited watching us, in the dark you tried to find me.

Merciful, ribbon-hair’d woman,
You with strength to cry for all who scream,
In pain enough to walk eyes shut,
Walk away from all your dreams.
Cry for the little girl inside yourself—
On the strength of my broad back, oh
My, our weakness shows. I shoulder the breadth
Stretched across the wide sea, arriving we
Heave and cough then stand with time,
Still both of us in tact.

You may seem an Angel to some, a demon you who cannot see,
And yet a sister but for one alone, and one for alone me.


Female. East coast transplant living in the Bay Area of California. Living with Stage IV breast cancer. Married to the coolest guy in the universe who occasionally suffers from serious depression. Love my stepsons, although I never thought I'd have that thankless job - ever! And my best friend Simon is also my cat. How I have survived with stage IV: treatments including chemo and surgery; palliative oncology; tenacity; a dark sense of humor; support groups; and my newly reinvented career as a vintage and antiques maven. Some days I miss the old me who led a well respected and well paid life as a business strategist in high tech. So much for that. I blog to simply share my experiences and my poetic approach with others who have cancer of any kind or with their care givers and those who love them. If one person at the very least finds a little commonality or a friend out in the ether tor a smile, a common nod about this experience, or even a link to assistance, then I have accomplished a small but extraordinarily meaningful goal. Go team.

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