Scientific Memorandum


My darkest secrets erased in chemical warfare –
Silently, quickly digging out memories hidden in the sand.
Diving in and floating farther away then lifting my body
Out of pools, my limbs give out to lonely laps, feet
Press and push against black markers, right I left
Methodically crumbs in lines, then I dive
Swimming back into the shallows again.
Water stained and stirred the stale dusky corridor
After staring the wall boring holes with my own eyes
I will the clock foreword.
Teasing me with a deathly slow sweep around the halls
Long ago, returning shaded only by incarnadine shreds.

The robe untied, threads of my blue duster frayed
Standing before you pleading and cold
Wrap my shrinking bones in lace and tie
With twine enough knots to keep me here
By a line extension between then and when
The thoughts of you erased from blackboards
Redrawn with shaky hands grabbing at dropped
Words scattered randomly about the class.
Rooms take care of no one.
Then attempting a stroke with one left hand
Right holding a brush coloring, hearing independently
Someone’s strayed thoughts.
Metal rusted traps close, tripping some switch,
Hammering, nails hold tight for a short time.
The bell proudly announces the end
Yet so startled I miss the window again.
Seeing all I cannot sense and here my lingering
Memory stays behind and I am released
Waving goodbye my hands, gloveless and dry.


Female. East coast transplant living in the Bay Area of California. Living with Stage IV breast cancer. Married to the coolest guy in the universe who occasionally suffers from serious depression. Love my stepsons, although I never thought I'd have that thankless job - ever! And my best friend Simon is also my cat. How I have survived with stage IV: treatments including chemo and surgery; palliative oncology; tenacity; a dark sense of humor; support groups; and my newly reinvented career as a vintage and antiques maven. Some days I miss the old me who led a well respected and well paid life as a business strategist in high tech. So much for that. I blog to simply share my experiences and my poetic approach with others who have cancer of any kind or with their care givers and those who love them. If one person at the very least finds a little commonality or a friend out in the ether tor a smile, a common nod about this experience, or even a link to assistance, then I have accomplished a small but extraordinarily meaningful goal. Go team.

3 thoughts on “Scientific Memorandum

    1. I cherish the gift of your positive encouragement – It lights my way on days when it’s too dark to write. How thoughtful, how rare.

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